Talk To Your Kids About Racism

I do not have all of the answers.

Like many white parents of white or white-passing children, I am woefully behind on educating my children about racism. This is a privilege that black families do not have. Black children do not get to NOT learn about racism. If we are to ever have hope that someday they won’t have to, we have to teach our white children from a young age about racism and white privilege in America.

I am ashamed to say that before this week, I hadn’t done much to teach my white-passing children about race. Yes, I have told them that we are all the same on the inside, that the color of a person’s skin doesn’t change that we are all human. I taught them the word racism and that some people treat others differently because of the color of their skin, and that is wrong. I teach them to be kind to everyone. I have encouraged them to have friends of all different racial and cultural backgrounds, as I myself am so happy to have. I have spoken to them about how our current President is not a good man and how he does not show love and care for all people. How policies that he and others support hurt people of color.

But I had never spoken the words “white privilege” or “police brutality” to them until this week, in the aftermath of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and oh so many others.

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A post shared by shirien (@shirien.creates) on May 13, 2020 at 4:54am PDT

White Privilege

My fellow white people: the first step in truly helping our black communities and becoming anti-racist is acknowledging, accepting, and confronting our white privilege. And then we must teach our children to do the same.

I want to share a Facebook conversation I had this week that is all too common in well-meaning white people who truly believe “I’m not racist! I’m not the problem!”

If you are white in America, I am here to tell you, as one of you…you are a part of the problem. So let’s get to work on that.

A white mother posted in a Facebook group that her child had been crying recently. They had discovered their white privilege and they were devastated at how that privilege hurts others. In my eyes, this kid is on their way to making great progress against racism. This child has realized and accepted something that millions of white adults do not want to grasp.

A well-meaning mother replied, and I am paraphrasing, that the original poster should tell her child not to be sad. That she should teach her child that their white privilege is a blessing from God, and it isn’t their fault that others are not as blessed. They should help those who aren’t as blessed, but they should not feel guilty.

I knew that this woman felt she was doing the right thing. She had expressed her sadness and horror over the death of George Floyd. She did not deny police brutality or racism.

But she was wrong.

I replied to her, telling her that her approach was very damaging because it teaches the white child that God has blessed them with the color of their skin and that they should feel no guilt that others are not “blessed” with the same privilege. This is not empathy. This is deflection. This supports that white skin is better than non-white skin. I implored her to rethink what she said.

Unfortunately, she doubled down, told me that she was correct and that I was in need of “a lot of prayers”.

Our conversation ended there.

Do I want white children to feel inherently guilty about the color of their skin and the privilege this affords them in America (and beyond)? Of course not. But I do want white children to understand that this happens, this is real, this is wrong, and it will take work from all of us to dismantle it.

I sat my 9-year-old twins down and told them about white privilege. We talked about how daddy has been treated wrongly by people and how I myself don’t always see that–but of course, he does. I wanted to open their eyes to this, as I continue to open my own eyes. I am making a conscious effort to do better, to see what I have the privilege of ignoring–and for my daughters to do the same.

Police Brutality

This is a tough one, how do you explain to a child who is supposed to trust the police as their protectors that in many instances they harm and kill?

I turn to black parents. They do not get to sweep this issue under the rug simply because it’s difficult. Watch this video and see how black parents have this discussion with their kids…

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#blacklivesmatter #justiceforgeorgefloyd #georgefloyd #breonnataylor #ahmaudarbery #Cut #minneapolis #louisville

A post shared by Cut (@cut) on May 29, 2020 at 3:09pm PDT

Now…tell your children that while police are intended to protect and serve everyone in their community, for black people that is often not what happens. Because of white privilege, because of racism…then watch this video with your kids.

When I told my daughters how George Floyd was murdered by police officers, they cried. I cried too. The next day when we were playing dinosaurs with their little brother, my daughter pretended that the bad dinosaur hurting the others was a police officer.

This conversation is definitely not finished for us. I’m looking for more resources myself to help continue this, if you have a good one please share in the comments. One idea for the teen and up crowd is to teach them that their white privilege can be a shield for police brutality–by recording incidents, by speaking up, by witnessing when you see a police officer has stopped a black person.

I didn’t feel ready to discuss this with my 9-year-olds yet (there’s my privilege talking), but I have shown them photos of white protesters forming chains to protect black protesters from the police. This is a powerful, easy-to-understand representation of the protection white skin provides us from the police. How wrong is that?!

Resources

I don’t have all the answers. I’ve only just started to really teach my children, to deepen my own education on racism, white privilege, and police brutality.

Here are some resources I have checked out over the last few days that you may find helpful. Please share additional resources in the comments, I will be happy to add them to the post!

• https://wonderoak.com/2018/10/17/dear-white-moms-what-i-need-you-to-know/#more-31785
• https://www.npr.org/2020/06/03/869071246/how-white-parents-can-talk-to-their-kids-about-race
• https://www.mother.ly/child/raising-race-conscious-children
• https://nmaahc.si.edu/learn/talking-about-race